The Long Winter #26

Sex, Lies, and Digital Video Uploads 2 part five

Delaney was glad she had worn a face mask. Her Batgirl costume kept her incognito, even allowing her to hide from her friends and acquaintances at the party, and she was able to sneak up and around her fairy girlfriend. Penny was adorable in her costume, her little skirt flaring up with each twist and turn to show off her bright green little bottom. The half-Asian girl danced around the room, her eyes smiling with excitement as she searched and searched. Delaney was pleased to see how she searched, but it only took a moment’s eye contact for Penny jump into her arms.

“Delaney-chan! I was wondering where you were!”

“I was spying on you!”

“I’m flattered! I love your costume!”

“Yours is super-cute, too!”

They hugged and then Penny was dancing, stepping dangerously close to her, wrapping her arms around Delaney’s waist and whispering—well, talking softly but loudly enough to be heard over the thumping music—into Delaney’s ear. She talked about how she was looking forward to this, looking forward to their friends meeting each other, looking forward to being drunk with her at a party, and maybe in her bed with her all night afterwards. Delaney smiled and held her back, sweating as she glanced past Penny and saw the attention they were gathering.

“They are cute!” someone said.

“Look at them, showing off like that.”

“I wonder what their parents think.”

“You’re just jealous.”

Were they laughing at her? At her and Penny? Could have been laughing at someone else. Could have even been Delaney’s imagination running away with her. She looked down into Penny’s eyes, knowing that she was risking asking for a very public kiss, a kiss that would destroy the metaphorical closet she had never had any intention of ever coming out from. At least, before meeting Penny.

“I’ve never been this close to a girl in public before,” she said.

Penny laughed.

“I have to admit, it’s a little unnerving.”

“You’re handling it very well!”

Delaney laughed with Penny and she focused all her attention to their little spot on the dancefloor. Smoke began billowing through the room, helping hide everyone else, but the thumping music and the heat of bodies did not let her forget where she was. And Penny smiled at her, grabbed her hand and twirled her around, pressed up against her, and then the music slowed.

“Is this too much for you?” Penny asked as her hands fell to Delaney’s hips.

“No. It’s weirdly better than I thought it would be.”

Delaney pulled Penny against her. The half-Asian girl settled her head against Delaney’s shoulder, and Delaney rested her cheek on Penny’s hair. She thought she was prepared for it, that her experiences had her ready to hold a girl in her arms and be seen like this, but she knew that was false. If not for Penny she might still be single and lonely. But this was better. This was what she was, and she was with the girl she wanted. She breathed deeply and sighed with happiness, her eyes closing as Penny’s arms tightened around her.

“Oh my god! I knew it!”

Delaney’s eyes popped open and she jumped away from Penny.

“I fucking knew you had something with each other!”

“Nadine! Oh! I was, we were just—“

Delaney cast a frightened glance at Penny. The half-Asian girl stared back at Delaney with a kind of serenity on her face that soothed her racing heart.

“She is my girlfriend,” Delaney finally said.

“I fucking knew it! Wait till I tell Sammy! He’ll get such a kick out of this!”

“It’s not such a big deal—“

“He had such a huge crush on you all of last year, you know! Oh my god, you’re a fucking lesbian!”

“It’s not like it’s something to be ashamed of,” Delaney said after a glance at Penny.

“Whatever, so long as you’re happy, I guess.” And then Nadine vanished into the crowd as the song changed and the tempo increased its pace.

Delaney took a deep breath and forced herself to smile at Penny. Her girlfriend.

“Let’s go get drinks,” she said.

Penny laughed. “You look like you need one!”

“I only need you.”

Penny smiled at her and they held hands and left the dancers.

“I guess you’re out now,” Penny said as they drifted out of the room.

“I am.” Delaney tried to smile back at Penny, but she was shaking and could not make eye contact with her girlfriend. My girlfriend!

“It’s okay. It’s not illegal here. Maybe no one really cares, either.”

“Right. No one cares.” She hated the pain she knew was on her face. “Maybe I care a little bit.”

“You were the one who came up to me, you know. You asked me out, and now we’ve been as close as two people can get.”

“I know, and it feels good to be so close, especially when we care about each other so much.”

“But it really is new to you.”

Delaney reached for Penny’s hand.

“This part is,” she said.

“We’re together. And since we’re together we’ll have fun. What could go wrong, neh?”

Delaney giggled. “Neh? What could go wrong.”

“Holy shit! My favorite holidays are Saint Patrick’s Day and Cinco de Mayo! And we have the holy duo of hot-ass lesbianism right here to celebrate with!” Braden’s high-pitched mocking laugh echoed through the halls as he strode up to them. “You fucking dykes going to put on a show for the rest of us? I’ll pay you $10,000 to lick each other’s assholes right here!”

There was a smattering of laughter from the students scattered around the sorority’s wide main entryway.

“No!” Penny shouted, dropping Delaney’s hand and pointing at Braden. “A million times no, you gross jerk! And for the last time, I’m not Mexican!”

“A cock-teasing, spicy, muy caliente Latina babe! Or should I say Latin-X? I can never keep that shit straight. You two bumping stinky hairy fish tacos tonight or what?”

“Braden, what you going on about?”

“Oh no,” Penny wilted and cowered beside Delaney.

“We had to say nothing could go wrong,” Delaney whispered back.

“Penny!” Geri emerged from the crowd. Instead of rage there was a huge drunken smile on her bright red face. “I should twist your lying slut head right off your skinny neck, you ugly little bitch!”

“Let’s get away from here,” Penny said, pulling Delaney away from them.

“Relax, Conchita. We’re here for a friend who has a huge surprise for us.”

“Didn’t you have some party at your house?”

“Yeah, I ditched those losers to party with some appreciative sorority whores, though. Since you’re neither appreciate nor sorority whores, I’ll be seeing you around, I’m sure.”

“Later, bitch.”

Geri stepped out of her way to shove past Penny and Delaney and then they were sauntering down the hall exchanging spirited greetings with their appreciative sorority whores. Delaney sighed and slumped against the wall, pleased she had weathered the worst of it with Penny by her side.

“Well. At least that’s over with. Now let’s go get those drinks.”

“I’d like that.” Delaney smiled at Penny and they held each other’s hands and walked towards the bar.

***

The room was too crowded. Maddie finished off her beer (the third? Fifth? She could no longer remember) and sought out her friends through eyes that no longer saw the room properly. It was all tilted to one side and of those closest to her there seemed to be visual echoes. She stood up and staggered through the crowd for the door, still holding a controller for the abandoned game tournament behind her.

“Penny? Clark?”

She bumped into people as she moved and her skin felt like it an entire ant colony was crawling across her. The feeling was intensified by the lack of friendly faces near her. There were so many slinky costumes worn by an entire spectrum of girls from those who could have worn them on a runway to those who should have thought twice before squeezing into such a thing. There were guys who put barely any effort into their costumes, one even had a plain white T-shirt on ordering you to imagine he was wearing a costume, as well as guys who were more done-up than Clark in his clever toga.

She weaved through them all, it seemed like the entire town had jammed itself into that house, and her breath began to catch. Too many people. Where were her friends? Even Sandra! She would even take Sandra at that moment as the world wavered before her very eyes and the shouting and the laughter and the thumping music overwhelmed her ears.

“Maddie!”

“What?”

“Maddie!”

“Oh! Ralph, it’s you! I thought you were going to that other party?” Maddie’s mouth turned down in distaste at the feeling of the words filling her mouth. It should not be so hard to speak.

“You’re drunk!”

“So? It’s a party!”

“Come on, I have friends out back!”

“Why are they out back?”

“We’ll go this way!”

“That’s the front door!”

“It’ll give us a chance to get some fresh air! You look like you need it!”

“All right!”

Maddie ignored the dull warning in her head and Ralph took her hand and led her out the front door. It was blessedly cool out there—no. It was cold and the wind bit her skin through her red fleece clothing. But it did feel so good on her face.

“I’m thirsty…” she mumbled.

“Come on, Maddie. This way.”

“Okay…”

She barely had her eyes open as Ralph led her away from the party. The sound faded behind her and everything became dark. She stumbled and almost fell—

“Whoa, you’re okay. I got you.”

“Thanks.”

Maddie let him support her… Who was it with her again?

“Clark, I’m thirsty…”

“I’m Ralph.”

“Water…”

“I’ll get you some water.”

They stumbled down the road. Maddie did her best to keep her eyes open. There was light down there. That made it easier.

“You must be cold in your costume,” Maddie said, refusing to look away from that light down the road.

“I’m wearing my coat.”

“Where’d you get a coat from?” Clark had not been wearing anything other than his toga when they left. He was showing more skin than Penny! “Is Penny wearing tights?”

“Penny? I haven’t seen her.”

“She came with us, silly. She sat in the back with me and Leah and your bitchy girlfriend.”

“Maddie, it’s Ralph, I have no girlfriend. I’m taking you to get some water.”

“Ralph… That's right. I didn't know you had any friends at the University.”

“I didn’t know you did.”

“Clark, take me back to the party. I want another beer.”

They reached the pavement of a little party store and she squinted under the harsh LED lighting it. Ralph led her inside and the lights were even harsher and she could barely see the aisles with food and whatnot and when Clar—that is, Ralph stopped and opened the cooler door at the back of the dingy, too-bright store, she stopped, too. The world swayed under her feet and she leaned heavily on Clark—that is, on Ralph, and accepted the two bottles he handed her. Plastic. Clear. She stumbled alongside him to the counter. It was hard to breathe. The air was heavy and the liquid ground rolled beneath her feet. Ralph was a rock, though, preventing her from falling down into the spinning abyss somewhere beneath the surface of the awful churning floor.

“You need any help buddy?”

“We’re okay.”

“Get her home safely.”

“Will do. No worries.”

“Great. Have a good one.”

They stepped back out into the cold just in time for a blast of cold air to shove some of the alcohol from Maddie’s mind. She opened one of the bottles in her hands and downed half of it in one pull.

“So good. Thank you.” She drank the rest and they started walking back the way they had come. Halfway through the second bottle the cobwebs began clearing from her vision, although they still tingled under her skin. She smiled, even giggled, at the funny numb feeling and felt her body go light despite the amount of water she had quickly drunk.

“I should get you back to the dorms,” Ralph said.

“I should get back to my friends.” Ugh. The words still felt wrong in her mouth. “I bet they’re looking for me.”

“They’re just as drunk as you are. You thought I was Clark the whole way to the store.”

“That’s silly. It’s obvious you’re Ralph. I don’t remember any of that.”

“I wouldn’t lie to you. I’d never lie to you.”

“Aw. How sweet.” Maddie did not smile at him, though. Something about his manner, the twitchy way he walked, the hesitance in his words, had pierced through her intoxication and triggered her anxiety. She was in no shape to run if he tried anything. But he did not reach for her. He just ambled along beside her with his head down and his hands now in his pockets.

“You don’t really want to go back to that party, do you?”

“I don’t have much of a choice. I should find Penny and Leah.”

“And Clark and Sandra?”

“Sandra…” Maddie stopped and frowned at Ralph. “Why did Henley not notice Sandra?”

“Sandra? Why would he?”

“She seemed like she had the hots for him, like at least for that first week. But he didn’t even seem to notice she existed. What’s up with that?”

Ralph shrugged. Maddie waited for him to explain. He sighed.

“There’s nothing special about Sandra.”

“What?” Maddie almost fell backwards. Ralph reached out and caught her. She stepped back away from him, more carefully this time.

“Sorry.”

“Why does he say there’s nothing special about her?”

“I don’t know why you care. You don’t like her, either.”

“She’s still dating my friend. And she’s my other friend’s roommate. And my roommate’s friend. I can’t exactly just be rid of her.” She felt the beginnings of a burgeoning emergency in her bladder and set back in motion for the sorority house once again without bothering to see if Ralph was following.

“She’s fine,” Ralph said from a half a step behind her. “She’s just, well, nothing special.”

“She’s got a nice figure,” Maddie said more glumly than she intended. “Nicer than Penny’s, you probably think.”

“She’s not boyish, if that’s what you’re trying to say.”

“I hate that you said that about her.”

“That Sandra’s nothing special?”

“No, that Penny looks like a little boy!”

“I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to be mean. I thought you would respect my honesty.”

“I guess.”

“Plus, I just can’t lie to you. You’re too—“

“That’s enough, Ralph. I won’t react well if you start giving me weird compliments.”

“It’s just—no. Never mind. You’re right. I’m sorry about saying those things about Penny.”

“It’s fine. She didn't care at all, she probably thought I was joking.”

“Oh.”

The sounds of the party grew as they approached the house. It was huge, well-lit. Maddie felt a surge of danger at having just been so far away from it with Ralph. What if he had tried something? But he had not. She glanced at him. He was still shuffling along a half a step behind her with his shoulders hunched forward and his head hanging down. If she kept looking straight ahead she could pretend he was not there looking so pathetic. Plus her friends were there. How nice it would be to see them after flirting with a blackout. Another surge of adrenaline reminded her of her reality. What if she had passed out with only his company somewhere between the house and the party store? What if he had tried something then? She shuddered, glad her body was still her own. The house was in front of her now. What had he said about the backyard?

“This way,” he said, failing miserably at not sounding miserable. She swung around in a big, drunken circle and weaved along behind him beside the house. When she put her hand on the wall for support she could feel the stereo bass rumbling the whole structure. The vibrations traveled up her arm and through her body, straight into her bladder. She stopped and squeezed her thighs together.

“I have to go,” she said.

“I thought you wanted to come back to the party?”

“No, I mean, yes, yes I do, but now I have to go. To the bathroom.”

“Oh…”

She stared at him, his face barely visible in the dark. What was that in his eyes? Sympathy? Embarrassment? It was not desperation. That was how she felt and she did not want to share any of her feelings with him, not even through projection.

“Come on, Ralph. Don’t make it weird.”

“No one will see you here. Just come to the back after you’re done.”

She nodded and watched him recede into the shadows. Luckily there were lights at the back of the building, darkening the shadows in which she hid. She could see him reach the corner and he stepped around it without looking back. She breathed a sigh of relief and prepared to relieve herself in a different way when a cheer erupted. She almost laughed and looked forward to finding out what everyone was so excited about. It was certainly not her and the water that had just flowed through her. Maybe she could finally find her friends and they would fill her in.

Follow The Long Winter into #27 Sex, Lies, and Digital Video Uploads 2 part six here.