The Long Winter #36
Fortunate Daughter part eight
The band really was not that good. They stood on a makeshift stage in the basement of a once-grand old house converted into a dozen tiny apartments with a makeshift bar operated by the students living above. It was dark and smoky and half-full of college kids pretending they were at a rock club in an exciting big city far away. Delaney was thankful for the beer in her hand to make an otherwise tepid show at least halfway bearable. Nadine and Sammy were trying to dance nearby with a handful of classmates. She was hopeful at least one of the other females present would find Sammy appealing. She had put in a good word for him with the cute brunette with the button nose and the petite build (although she was not sure the young man would find her appealing in return). At the edge of the dancefloor she sipped her beer and avoided unwanted glances by stray guys trying to make eye contact.
And then a blonde girl caught her eye. The girl was slim with a shirt that showed off her impressive cleavage and her blonde hair fell in curls down past her shoulders. Everyone she smiled at smiled back at her, and she locked eyes on Delaney and slid her way across the floor.
“Hey.” The blonde girl came up inside Delaney’s personal bubble and smiled down at her. Delaney could not help but smile back.
“Hey.”
“You look familiar.”
“Do I?”
“Maybe you have one of those faces.”
Delaney laughed and shook her head and said, “You’re coming on to me like a clumsy boy!”
The blonde laughed. “No, for real this time. I think I’ve seen you somewhere. Were you at the sorority costume party last month?”
Delaney’s smile froze and she fought to keep herself from looking away. The blonde saw the anxiety flash in Delaney’s green fox eyes and her smile grew triumphant.
“Yeah. You were there with that foreign lesbian. She tells me you dumped her.”
“That’s not really the word I would use.” And Delaney had a feeling Penny would not use that word, either. Of course, she did not know the half-Asian girl nearly as well as she would have liked to, so who was to say what she was telling people after that disastrous night?
“Well, whatever. I should be thankful.”
Delaney frowned at her. “Thankful?”
“Thankful. Yes. She’s insistent these days on not dating anyone else. Which is fine. We’re all busy during the school year. But she’s so beautiful. So young, so innocent. I don’t know the last time I met someone like her.”
“She’s not so innocent,” Delaney grumbled over a sip of her beer.
“Well, I guess you would know, wouldn’t you? At any rate, she’s going to be single this year, and she’s going to be looking for something to do this summer, and she seems like—“
“Becca.”
The blonde girl (Becca?) jumped at her name and they both looked over to see a shadow of a girl materialize beside them.
“Lin!” Delaney smiled at her and reached out to touch her shoulder. “I wasn’t sure you’d want to come tonight!”
“I didn’t. But you need a friend.” Lin’s eyes turned hostile when they landed on Becca. “If I had known how badly I’d have shown up a lot earlier.”
“What’s your girlfriend going to think, you showing up here to meet some other girl?” Becca glowered down at Lin.
“She knows. You act like we don’t trust each other. Is that because you don’t trust anyone?”
Becca sniffed at Lin and turned her nose up to look down at Delaney.
“Well, if you’re here with her I’ll make myself scarce. Tell Shawn I said hi.”
And with that, Becca disappeared into the crowd, but not in the direction of the exit.
“Well, your timing was perfect,” Delaney said, holding her beer up to clink against Lin’s cup.
“What the fuck was that about?”
“She came over to tease me about breaking up with that girl from the Institute.”
“You do sort of deserve it. She’s a unicorn—“
“Unicorn, yes, I know. I don’t get what you find so fascinating about her.”
Lin glanced around and, finding it relatively safe, leaned in close to Delaney. Unnecessarily close. Close enough to brush against her.
“Shawn may be using the word unironically. But most of us aren’t as, well, as radical as her. Well, many of us I should say.” Lin leaned back, her nose only inches from Delaney’s. “I suppose I should be thankful that not everyone is overly and uselessly political. That shit is exhausting.”
“Is your girlfriend a radical?”
“A little. Not quite at the same level as Shawn, but I’m glad to be up here where I don’t have to attend constant meetings and go on marches and avoid the naked guys at Pride events.”
Delaney laughed and nodded.
“I’m imagining that your ex wasn’t much of a radical, either.”
“Well, except for the whole fascist thing.”
Lin laughed.
“Port Matthew outlaws protests and marches.”
“No shit.”
“Yes shit. But they also don’t seem to care about homosexuality at all, so it’s not like they have nothing going for it.”
“You read their comics.”
Delaney bit her lip and looked away.
“What’s your favorite?”
“American Girl.”
“It’s shit. I’ll let you borrow Candidacy. That one’s clearly superior.”
“It’s not! It’s melodramatic and unrealistic!”
“Unrealistic? And this coming from someone who thinks American Girl is the best?”
“You asked me for my favorite!”
They laughed together again. Before Lin could retort they had Nadine’s arm’s draped over their shoulders. The curvy brunette leered at the two of them before shouting for everyone present to hear.
“I sure am glad you’re moving on from your last girlfriend! And with another little hottie, you’ve got quite an eye for beauty, haven’t you?”
The two of them shrugged away from Nadine. Lin looked at Delaney, her big dark eyes revealing nothing. Delaney looked at Nadine and scowled.
“We’re just friends—“
“Yeah, right. Can you even be “just friends” with girls anymore? I wonder how you see me now!”
“I see you the way I’ve always seen you,” Delaney grumbled, hoping their classmates would find something more interesting to gawk at.
“Oh, I’m sure, you big lesbian! What are your parents going to say?”
“I’ve always been this way…”
The band stopped playing. Delaney focused on Nadine but she could feel every eye in the suddenly very tiny basement boring into her, accusing her of holding a secret from her friend, of lying to her for years—
“Whatever. You never gave any indication—“
“Nadine, you should really stop harassing her about this.”
“What the hell, Lin?” Nadine glared at Lin for a moment, but swung back to Delaney before Lin could respond. “I mean, you’re not ditching out on me for these fucking girls, are you?”
“Nadine! What is wrong with you?” Delaney struggled to keep her voice down, but she knew even the shitty band on stage was paying attention to the show she and Lin and Nadine were putting on. “You’ve been really strange towards me ever since you met Penny.”
“Penny the Porn Star! And you decided you needed to hide it from all of us!”
“Maybe she felt that way because she knew you were going to react like this!” Lin jabbed a finger in Nadine’s chest.
“Watch where you’re putting that, you bony, boyish, bitty bitch!”
“I’ll put it where I want!” Lin jabbed her again.
“Nadine, come on, let’s go talk about this somewhere else,” Delaney glanced around. They were all laughing at her, whispering with each other about them.
“What the fuck is with you?” Nadine screamed. “You’re not the person I thought I was friends with! You have all these secrets! And now you have secret friends!”
“I’m—“ Delaney glanced around again and tears sprang into her eyes. “I’m sorry!”
Delaney bolted for the door, doing her best to avoid bouncing into people, but the crowd had become a watery mess and she could not avoid them all. Finally past them without too much jostling, she dashed up the stairs, veered around the corner and burst out the door, breathing in deep the frigid air. For several long moments it was a welcome cold. The sweat on her face and back, it made her shirt stick to her, matted her hair to her skin, and she leaned against the building a few yards away from the door and cried into her shaking hands.
“Hey.”
Delaney groped for her senses, but she could still feel them all staring at her.
“Your friend was kind of a bitch.”
“I’m sorry, Lin.”
“It’s all right.”
“I’m sorry. I thought she was getting used to it.” Delaney’s words were wavering as she began shivering with cold.
“Here. Here’s your coat.”
Delaney was surprised to see Sammy with Lin. And that cute brunette with the button nose. And several other people.
“Why don’t you come back inside?” the brunette asked.
“Nadine’s sorry,” Sammy said. “Or at least she will be.”
“Tell her not to worry. It's fine. But now I think I’m all partied out this semester.”
“Are you sure?”
Delaney used her sleeve to wipe her eyes clear and then huddled back in her coat, holding the front closed. Her shivering was becoming more and more from the cold and she was ready to move on.
“She hasn’t had time to process this,” Sammy said. “I don’t mean to sound like I’m blaming you or anything, but you have to give her a chance to talk to you about it. Like you did for me.”
“She should have just come with us,” Delaney said, casting a sour look back at the door. There were a few more faces there peering out at them. She felt like instead of being outside and free she was under observation in a zoo enclosure.
“Nobody cares about you being a lesbian,” Sammy said after a careful glance at Lin. The short-haired girl snorted. “Some of the girls are probably jealous.”
“None of them would change places with either of us,” Lin said. “And if they said they would they don’t know what they’d be trading into.”
“It’s okay, Lin,” Delaney put her hand on Lin’s arm and smiled. The short-haired girl glared one last time at Sammy and relented.
“Come on, Del. Let’s go back inside.”
Delaney glanced at Lin again. The other girl rolled her eyes.
“I’m going to go home,” Delaney said. “Tell Nadine I’ll talk to her tomorrow. We’ll make plans for lunch. But honestly after that last party and this one I think I’m done for a little while.”
Sammy glanced at Lin again and then offered Delaney a sad smile.
“Well, we’ll be in there for a while if you change your mind. See you later, Del. Lin.”
“Bye, Sammy.”
Sammy took the brunette’s hand and they went back inside with the three or four others who came out with them. Delaney watched them go back in and waved at the last one who entered and then she and Lin began walking down the road for campus.
The night was quiet, enhanced by the slowly falling snow. Their breath plumed up in front of their faces as they walked. After a couple of blocks Delaney was no longer sweating from her ordeal. She was, however, still trembling. Lin was still beside her. The short-haired girl kept her eyes straight ahead and her arms swung slightly with each step. Delaney wanted to reach over and take one of Lin’s hands in hers, but she had a girlfriend—
“We should get a coffee,” Lin said.
“Coffee good.”
“This way.”
They walked the streets in silence. The wind rustled the bare branches blew the snow in waves across the pavement. She avoided looking at the Institute as they walked past it. It was well lit to attract the eyes of those passing by, but Penny was there. Lin touched her arm and smiled. Delaney wanted to smile back but could not. It was wrong what she did to Penny. But it was too much to see her like that. Like that with that other girl. The one she truly loved.
Before she could work up further tears over the incident they were in a little coffee shop with a pair of warm mugs between them. Lin chuckled at her.
“I figured you'd drink yours beige.”
“Coffee tastes bad. And tonight I want something sweet.”
“It's shit, you know.”
“It's not. It tastes good and it's comforting.”
Lin nodded.
“How did you know you were in love with your girlfriend?”
Lin hefted her mug and took a deep breath with it right under her nose.
“I don't really want to talk about her.”
“Why not? Is it hard to be in a long distance relationship and you don't really want to think about it right now?”
“Yes. Now we can change the subject. Why do you like American Girl?”
Delaney sighed and rolled her eyes. When she looked back at Lin she had the distinct impression she had the upper hand that night. Lin's expression was guarded, and her gaze went to the door, twice, quickly, as though she was considering an escape. In the end, she smiled at Delaney. The redhead decided to give her a little of what she wanted.
“It's cute. The art is cute, not in that ugly chibi way you get in manga sometimes, but legitimately cute. The story is cute, too.”
“I get it, I guess. But it's kind of a breeder love story.”
“So is Candidacy.” Delaney stopped short of sticking her tongue out at her new friend.
“I have some BL I could show you, but something tells me that's not really your thing.”
Delaney laughed. “Definitely not.”
Lin nodded knowingly. Delaney leaned forward.
“Why do you hate that girl Becca?”
Lin leaned back. She frowned at her coffee and took another sip. She set it down and shrugged.
“She just gives me a bad feeling. I hated seeing her talking to you. It felt like she was fucking with you somehow.”
“She might have been getting ready to do just that, but she also seems to have her eyes set on our unicorn. She made some comment about how innocent she is.”
“And you said?”
“She's not. She's so not.”
Lin chuckled again.
“What?”
“You're not innocent, either. The way you carry yourself you make other people think you are. Maybe that's why our unicorn wanted to go out with you. She wanted to corrupt you. But you can't corrupt the corrupted.”
Delaney giggled and took a sip of her own coffee.
“Besides, if you hadn't gone out with her you might still be closeted.”
“I was happy being closeted. This isn't a big town, and where my family lives isn’t a big town. I figured I could just be single forever. Maybe have a cat or a dog or a hamster when I'm older. Work in a grocery store or something. But now I guess I can't do any of that.”
“Oh, you most certainly can. But it'll be a battle, because I'm not sure the others are going to let you.”
“You make it seem like I'm a catch.”
Lin did not respond. She did not need to. She sat there with a hungry smile on her face and Delaney felt herself stripped down to her bones before those penetrating dark eyes. She blushed and giggled nervously and then the moment was past.
“I'm glad this place is open so late,” Delaney said. “It's a nicer place to make a new friend than a party or a classroom.”
Lin nodded. Delaney knew the artist agreed. What was uncertain at that point was how strong their friendship would become. Or what kind of friendship it would be. As she watched her artist friend drink her coffee she knew what kind of friendship she wanted. The problem was Lin's girlfriend…