The Long Winter #57
Previous Engagements part five
It had been easy for Delaney to pretend Penny did not exist. Even when Lin (or any of her friends) brought her up. The PMer went to the Institute and never had any reason to be on the University campus. With everything provided for them there, there was rarely any reason at all for the Institute students to venture into town, either. They might as well live on completely different planets. But then Delaney followed Lin back into Shawn’s house and there she stood, laughing with that blue-haired girl and Shawn herself. Delaney's footsteps slowed until she was standing still. Lin had to turn around and return to get her.
“Hey. Something wrong?”
“Huh? Oh, uh, no…”
And Lin glanced over in the direction Delaney had been staring and frowned. She was not sure exactly who that was with Shawn and her blue-haired friend. But she had an idea. She grabbed Delaney’s wrist and dragged her away. Delaney’s eyes stayed behind and she saw Penny look over just as she vanished around a corner.
***
“Was that Delaney?” Penny interrupted Shawn and Ash’s banter as she frowned at the other room.
“What? Who?” Ash looked over.
“Delaney? It might be. Oh, that’s right. You two were a couple a while back, weren’t you? You don’t hold anything against her, do you?”
“No, I’m not going to cause trouble.”
At least not unless she does.
You’re a true saint, Penny. Way to rise above it all.
Shut up, Marv.
“It would be fine if you did. It would give us all something to talk about besides the fascists at the Institute and the way the far right has completely and irrevocably destroyed our way of life.”
Penny and Ash scowled at her.
“Oh. Right. Sorry, ladies.”
“You know, not everyone here is a fucking communist—”
“Is that what you think I am?” Shawn interrupted Ash with an innocent smile.
“I’m going to get a drink,” Ash muttered back. “I guess I’ll save you from my fellow fascist and take her with me.”
“All right. I’ll be seeing you around. Enjoy yourselves.”
They walked away, leaving Shawn and her mocking smile behind. Penny kept her eyes on the creaky floor ahead of her. She had seen enough of the sneering faces around her.
“I didn’t realize your ex would be at this thing. When’s the last time you saw her?”
“At that party.”
“Damn, it’s been that long?”
“Yes.”
They passed into the kitchen and there she was. Delaney stood with another girl, slim, with a tight t-shirt that showed off her generous bust and thick, messy boy-short hair and big, dark eyes that held no small amount of hostility when Penny looked at her. Ash took a confident step forward with a smile on her face.
“Hey. I’m Ash. This is Penny. I don’t know if we’ve met before.”
“I’ve seen you around, you hang out with Shawn sometimes, don’t you?”
“Yeah, not by choice. She has a strong personality so sometimes I guess I just can’t help myself. Who’re you?”
“I’m Lin.”
Ash smiled at Delaney. “And you?”
“She knows who I am,” Delaney answered with a nod towards Penny.
“Delaney,” Penny said with a curt bow. “How have you been?”
“Fine.”
“Good.”
“Yes.”
“What are you drinking?” Penny gestured at her cup. “That doesn’t look like beer.”
“Wine. You want some?”
“Sure.”
Delaney set her cup down and filled another red plastic cup with nearly an entire bottle. Delaney handed it to her and they stared at each other as they sipped.
“Well, I’m glad you showed up and made this awkward,” Lin said. She scowled at Ash. “Thank you for bringing her.”
“Hey, no problem!”
***
Lin’s hands were shaking. She had to set her beer down on the counter and shove them into her pockets. No matter where she looked, her gaze always drifted back to Penny. The PMer stood there in a girlie skirt with a girlie sweater and her girlie short hair held up from her face with a girlie pin. She was as cute as an anime character and even though her clothes were all navy blue and beige Lin could see her in only pink.
And now this frilly pink nightmare of a girl was talking to Delaney. What did Lin care? She had her own girlfriend. Who was far away. Who, unlike Delaney, treated her with contempt when they were together. And they had not been together in months and months, not since the endless, hot summer before school started.
Delaney giggled at something Penny said.
“Yo, they’re hitting off again, aren’t they?” Ash said, something of a smug expression on her pointy face.
“I didn’t think they had unfinished business, but maybe they do.” Lin reached her shaking hand out for her beer and lifted it to take a sip.
“You think maybe they’re going to get back at it?”
“I hope not.”
Ash laughed.
“Ain’t you got a girl of your own?”
“How do you know about that?”
“Everyone knows everything.”
Lin snorted. Delaney had drifted away with Penny. Lin’s hands would not stop shaking. Ash was too close to her.
“Del, come on.”
Lin walked across the room and grabbed Del’s arm and yanked her away without slowing down.
***
“Lin, wait!”
Wine splashed all over Delaney’s hand and she cast a baffled look over her shoulder at Penny.
“What do you think you’re doing?” Lin demanded when they were in their own hushed corner away from everyone else.
“What’s that supposed to mean? I was just talking to her.”
“You two broke up, you know.”
“Yeah? Does that mean we have to be enemies?”
“Well, no, but—“
“Does that mean we can’t have a conversation when we run into each other?”
“No, of course not—“
“Then why turn it into an incident? We were just talking about how school went and how we think the winter will go. It’s no big deal, and honestly you’re really acting super jealous.”
“I am not. I am not jealous.”
“Because this is the sort of way a jealous girlfriend would act.”
“Well, obviously I can’t be that. I’m not jealous at all.”
“Fine.” Delaney hid her disappointment behind her cup of wine. Her hand was wet with it and she knew she would smell of it the rest of the night. It was not even good wine, and she cast a disappointed glance down at the cup that was not entirely for the wine.
She had given Lin another chance to come clean. To admit she was jealous. To admit she wanted Delaney. But she did not. She remained hidden, inaccessible, unattainable. But even as Delaney pined inwardly for her to reveal her true feelings, Penny bounced back into her life with that girlish giggle and her goofy way of flirting. And she had flirted, hadn’t she? Delaney glanced past Lin towards the kitchen, wondering if she would run into her (still adorable) PMer ex again.
But it was a closed chapter in her life. Probably. Definitely. She thought. Her eyes fell back on Lin’s and she gasped when she recognized the hurt in them. Lin did not notice, she was looking back at the kitchen as well.
“Do you know either of them?” Delaney asked.
“No. I’ve seen Ash around. I’ve only ever seen your ex in that porno she made.”
“She didn’t make it—“
“You keep defending her. God! Why do you keep defending her?”
Lin was still not looking at Delaney so she decided not to answer.
“I’m not having fun tonight. Maybe I should go—“
“Lin, wait.” It was Delaney’s turn to grab Lin’s arm. “I don’t want you to go.”
“Well, you have people here you seem to want to spend time with more than me.”
I want to spend time with only you. But I can’t, not the way I want to spend time with you. You have your girlfriend. And I’m alone.
She wondered if Penny was lonely, too. But she looked back at Lin.
“Don’t leave me.”
Lin stared back, her dark eyes wide. Their hands were together. Lin trembled.
“I won’t,” she whispered back.
Delaney forgot completely Penny was there.
***
“Man, you and her must have been the hotness when you were together.” Ash strutted alongside Penny to the window at the front of the house looking out onto the street. They were ignoring the snide looks from some of the others present, something that was getting easier as they imbibed more of their drinks.
“Shut up, Ash. I’m trying not to think about it too much.”
“What? Why not? I’ve told you plenty of times how hot I think you are, and that redhead chick is a gift to the male gaze.”
“Male gaze?”
“Yeah.”
“What’s that mean?”
“Unhinged feminists think it’s how men overly sexualize us.”
“Lesbians?”
“No, dipshit! Females!”
Penny glanced around. “I would sexualize maybe only half the girls here…”
Ash laughed.
“What? I’m allowed to be shallow.”
“You’re not shallow. Most of these fuckers are just jealous. I mean, you wake up every morning at, what, 6 AM? 7? And then you bust your hot ass at The Ad for an hour or two, then you fucking starve yourself—“
“I don’t, I eat plenty.”
“Whatever, but that’s not what some of them think.” Ash’s eyes narrowed at Penny. “You exercise while you study, don’t you?”
“No.”
Ash crossed her arms.
“Sometimes I wander while I’m reading, but I don’t think that’s exercising.”
“You fidgety bitch. If only you would fidget with me—“
“Ah, but she won’t, for you like to share yourself with everyone and their mom.”
“Becca…” Ash’s teeth clicked together.
“Becca! How are you? Did you have a good break?”
“It was all right. I stayed busy. How about you? What are you doing here? I never thought I’d ever see you at one of these things. Don’t tell me she dragged you here.”
“No one drags me anywhere,” Penny smiled at Becca. “I’ve been good, and the way Ash talks about this place I figured eventually I would have to check it out. Since classes only just started I don’t have too much to do so I thought, like, no time like the present!”
“She didn’t want to come and actually whined the whole way here,” Ash grumbled, giving Penny’s ribs a hard poke. Penny rubbed her side.
“I hear your ex is here, too,” Becca said. “She and her “friend” are making a scene somewhere towards the back of the house.”
“Whatever. All I did was say hi to her. It’s not my fault if they’re having some sort of issues between themselves.”
“They’re not even dating.”
Penny snickered and rolled her eyes. “Jeez, what drama!”
“You should go over there and make it awkward for them.”
Penny matched Becca’s mischievous smile with one of her own.
“That’s actually an amusing idea,” Ash said, setting her hand on Penny’s shoulder.
“I can’t, though.”
“Even though she dumped you in your moment of need?”
“Becca was there to help me.”
Penny saw the triumphant look Becca gave Ash. The blue-haired girl scoffed.
“No, I don’t know. I don’t have anything against Delaney.”
Honestly, if she wanted to go back out with me I’m not sure I’d say no.
Don’t say that in front of Becca, though.
I know better than that!
Go mess with Delaney. You haven’t caused nearly enough drama up there.
Oh, I’m about to cause it between Maddie and her disgusting fiancé.
That guy’s scum…
“You should,” Becca said. “You should hate her for what she did. That fuckin’ bitch, she left you hanging after that whole mess at the sorority. I still feel ashamed about it, we made new by-laws after that whole thing went down, and now we don’t have a party where the cops don’t show up.”
“No, she did what she had to do,” Ash said.
“I’m not holding it against her. There’s no point. We had our fun and we’ve both moved on.”
Ash raised an eyebrow at her and Becca smiled.
“You don’t have a drink, Becca? Let’s go get you a drink.” Penny took Becca’s hand and, with Ash in tow, headed back towards the kitchen. If they encountered Delaney again she would be able to show off how much she had moved on. And if not, well, she had Becca’s hand in hers.
***
Ash knew Penny liked Becca. She knew about how Becca had come to Penny’s rescue at the Halloween party. She knew about their exchanges of texts throughout the winter, and it had been cute. But that night she saw how Becca looked at Penny and she did not like it. The blonde girl looked at Penny like a shark, like the PMer was something to eat. But Penny did not see it. Her dazzling dark eyes only saw the best of Becca. Penny saw her cascading waves of shiny blonde hair, and her too-perfect smile and perfect porcelain skin. Penny thought they were a reflection of what was inside, and she smiled back at Becca as though she deserved it. Ash knew that was part of the reason she was drawn into friendship with Penny. The girl was a bubbly optimist and Ash loved having her in her life. She did not like the idea of the blonde predator with them taking that away. So she followed along, wondering what she could do to tear them apart.
It turned out she was powerless. Penny touched Becca’s arm. She touched Becca’s back. She put her arm around the blonde’s waist and rested her head on the older girl’s shoulder. She laughed at everything Becca said. She shared her drink with Becca, and Becca shared hers in return. And Ash could only watch, unwilling to step in and dampen Penny’s enthusiasm. She walked away.
In the next room, Penny’s ex-girlfriend and her not-girlfriend were standing in a corner pretending to be together while ignoring each other’s existence. Ash walked over to them and leaned against the wall. Lin scowled at her.
“I hate Becca,” Ash said.
“Becca who?” Delaney asked.
“Becca Ford,” Lin said. “She’s bad news.”
“I agree. Out of curiosity, how do you know that?”
“The way Shawn talked about her and watching how she walks around us.”
Ash nodded. She looked at Delaney. “She’s in the kitchen with Penny right now.”
“So?” Lin said.
“Penny’s my friend. She’s falling for Becca. I don’t know why, but she seems completely oblivious to Becca’s unlikability.”
“That’s her problem—“
“And you think I should go do something about it?” Delaney frowned at her.
“I’m not going to tell you you should. But I think it’s a good idea.”
“She’s your friend. You do something about it.”
Ash did not let Lin’s prickly stare bother her. Even for a porcupine, she was still cute, and that cuteness allowed Ash to maintain her composure.
“I don’t know what the deal is with you two. In your place, I’d just fuck and get it over with. But you,” she paused to level a heavy glance at Delaney, “used to go out with her. And you two were friendly back there, if only for a minute. So I’m not sure what to say or do, but I am sure she shouldn’t be with Becca.”
Delaney sighed and looked away, then down at Lin.
“You’re not together anymore. It shouldn’t matter to you.”
Delaney nodded, but her attention drifted to the kitchen. Penny’s drunken laughter echoed out. Delaney stepped closer to Lin, the put her hand on the artist’s shoulder and leaned in to whisper something in her ear. Lin’s back straightened and she sucked in a shallow breath. She leaned away from Delaney, then nodded, closed her eyes, and shook her head.
“Okay.” Delaney turned to Ash. “I’ll be right back.”
***
Delaney had to battle back tears as she stomped back to the kitchen. She wanted to let herself fall in love with Lin, she wanted to feel it consume her, she wanted to drown in it. But the artist resisted. She had her faraway girlfriend. And as Delaney walked through the kitchen after her new (old?) target, she knew such a thing would not bother Penny. It had not before. She had given much of herself to Delaney freely (an attempt at getting over her former girlfriend? Delaney did not care and it no longer mattered) and her high school girlfriend had not mattered. She pretended to forget what she saw on the screen at that party, all the confusion over the scene was long since gone. But Lin. Lin deserved every last bit of ire burning in her chest. Chance after chance. Were her hints too vague? Her teeth were grinding together when she spotted Penny with Becca shrugging into their coats by the door. Her feet stopped moving and she watched them leave together, hand-in-hand, and panic seized her heart, propelling her out after them. Somehow she was too slow and she gripped her shirt and shivered in the cold, cold night. Neither was to be seen. Penny was gone and she had wasted her chance with Lin and she had never before felt so terribly alone.
Follow The Long Winter into #58 Previous Engagements part six here.