The Long Winter #91
On Again Off Again part one
“You are one weird fuckin’ girl.”
Penny did not let her smile falter as she came out from under the lights. Several of the others had come up to congratulate her on subverting their expectations with a much sexier performance of a song no one imagined she, of all people, would sing. And then she was in front of Becca, the blonde girl staring at her in disdain. Penny laughed.
“I know!”
“I didn’t know you listened to that kind of music.”
“I got into it last year. Before that all my music was pretty pop-y. But now I have a deep appreciation for metal and rock. There are cute girls who sing it, too, if you like Japanese music.”
“Cute girls, right.”
She is not happy with me tonight.
While you did poison the well by talking to Delaney a little, it seems like it’s something that should have cleared up by now.
Neh!
“Are you okay?”
“Let’s just get out of here.”
“What? Already? I only sang one song—“
“Yes, already. Jesus fucking Christ, are you hard of hearing? Come on.”
Penny winced and then followed Becca out of the room to pick up their coats. Becca tossed Penny hers and then shrugged into her own. She was out the doors ahead of Penny, giving her no chance to say goodbye to anyone and Penny had to run down the sidewalk to catch up with her. Becca’s car was down the road, gleaming under the streetlights, and they came upon a tall woman with a pink ushanka decorated with a Soviet red star approached.
“Evening, ladies,” she said in a man’s deep voice.
Penny gasped and watched him—her—it walk away behind them. She grabbed Becca’s sleeve and pulled her to a stop.
“What?” Becca said through her teeth.
“That’s the one who drugged Delaney last weekend.”
“Your ex-girlfriend? Are you really bringing that shit up with me again? Now? What is your damn problem?”
“Nothing! Why are you being so weird about her?”
“Because she’s your ex! You had sex with her! And the way you broke up—the way she dumped you, I get the uncomfortable feeling that you think you have unfinished business with her. She doesn’t matter to you anymore. I do. I do! Am I not enough? Have I not done enough for you?”
“Of course you have! But I’m not going to just ignore the fact that she’s alive and we’re all part of Shawn’s community together. I can’t do that. And that’s the one who drugged her, I know it!”
“How can you know? It’s just some fucking cross-dresser—“
“Because it’s way too much of a coincidence, plus the face looks like the one Shawn sent us all this week. Go get the car warmed up. I’m going to go back and tell Delaney, warn her—“
“No.”
“What?”
“No. Absolutely not. If I get in that car alone, I’m going home alone.”
“What? Why?”
“Because you’re my girlfriend. Not Delaney’s. You have no responsibility towards her. Besides, she’s an adult, she can take care of herself.”
“You’re really going to make me choose right now? Choose between maybe doing something that will save someone versus just going home with you and pretending nothing happened and that maybe nothing will?”
“Yes. Me or her. Right now.”
Penny squawked in disgust at her and turned away. She stomped back up the sidewalk for the house. The… thing in the pink ushanka was further up the sidewalk, a comfortable distance away. A car door slammed behind her and an engine roared to life. Penny fought back tears as she turned back up the sidewalk, refusing to look back at the car.
Becca is not leaving me. Becca did not just make me do that.
She put her hand on the doorknob.
It kind of seems like she did. I’m so sorry, Penny. Hold yourself together. Go help Delaney.
Yes. I can help Delaney.
She drew herself up and took a long, shuddering breath as she walked back into the house. She left her coat on, promising to stay long enough to long enough to find her ex-girlfriend and warn her. Then she could leave and go back to her room and cry herself to sleep.
Delaney was back under the lights, working through a smoky rendition of another old jazz standard. She located Lin against the wall watching with a scowl on her face.
“She’s really good at this,” Penny said as she planted herself beside her ex’s current girlfriend.
Lin glanced at her and sniffed.
“Yeah.”
“Is something wrong?”
“No. What do you want?”
Penny hesitated. Something in Lin’s eyes reminded her of Becca.
Don’t hesitate. This is important.
Marv’s words fueled her strength and she took a long, slow breath before answering.
“I think I saw that Tammy person outside.”
Lin’s eyebrows raised and she turned to face Penny, something approaching concern on her face.
“What?”
“I was… I walked Becca out to her car, and, well, a girl passed us, but it was a man, or at least, spoke with a man’s voice, and, like, I heard what happened, Shawn was telling us to be careful, and sent out that message—“
“Fucking Shawn!” Lin glowered at Penny. “What was he doing?”
“He? Oh, right. He was just walking past. I mean, maybe it’s nothing, maybe it’s a coincidence or it’s not even really him, but, well…”
“You still care for Delaney.”
“No.”
Yes.
“I definitely don’t.”
I miss her.
“I just don’t want something bad to happen to her. Or you. Or like, anyone. Maybe it's a coincidence, but at the same time, it's a heck of a coincidence.”
Lin nodded and turned back towards Delaney as she finished her song to rousing applause.
“Thank you.”
Penny lingered for a moment longer, and then Lin walked up to Delaney and hugged her and leaned in to whisper in her ear. Penny turned to leave. She stopped at the door, looked up and down the street, and then stepped out into the cold. She sniffled and her eyes teared up.
It’s just the cold.
It’s because Becca dumped you.
You’re right.
Just like Delaney.
Penny wiped her mittens across her face but it did nothing to help stem the flow. She stopped again at the end of the sidewalk and looked up and down the street. It was empty. Maybe she was wrong and went in to warn Delaney for no reason. Maybe she had chosen to leave Becca for no reason. She sniffled and let the tears drip off the end of her nose as she stared at the snowy sidewalk at her feet. Every step she felt as though she were mired more and more in her own misery.
“Hey there.”
She jumped at the sound of a man’s voice. She turned to see the tall woman in the pink ushanka step out from behind a car.
“Dangerous to be walking out alone at this time of night.”
She nodded, stepping back from him as he moved towards her.
“Perhaps I could escort you home.”
“I’m doing fine.”
“You’ve been crying. Have a fight with your boyfriend?” There was a heavy sarcasm in his voice and her heart screamed at her to run.
“No. I should be going—“
“Come now. Let me help you.”
Penny drew herself up, swiping a hand over her face one more time and stepping back to keep out of his reach. At least her panic had stemmed the flow of tears.
“Thank you for your concern. I will go back by myself. I’m doing fine.”
“Yes, well, if you’re that determined—“
“I am. Goodbye.”
Penny turned and continued down the sidewalk. When she reached the corner she glanced over her shoulder. Pink ushanka was gone again. Instead of relief the back of her neck burned with danger and she ran. She sprinted, following the street down the gentle slope for the lake. For the Institute. No one was behind her, but she did not slow down. She could not risk a look over her shoulder. She put her head down and ran and ran, her breathing became shallow and ragged and again she was glad she had not drunk anything, her legs felt good, she felt faster than at any moment in her life before that point. The Institute was not far. She recognized the little group of stores. A police car slowly approached. It pulled over and an officer stepped out and walked towards her.
“Hello, ma’am.” He was big, his bulk enhanced by the heavy jacket he wore, but his eyes were kind and he tipped his cap at her.
Penny skidded to a stop on an icy patch on the sidewalk and bowed at him.
“Hello.”
“Are you all right?”
“I’m fine.”
“Is someone chasing you?”
“No.”
“Any particular reason for you running? At this hour? Dressed like that?”
Penny looked down at her skirt and the cute flats she on her feet. Not exactly exercise-ready. Perhaps she was slower than she thought.
“No. I’m just heading back to the Institute.”
“Would you like a ride? Probably warmer in the cruiser.”
She looked over at the car.
“No thank you.”
“All right then. If you need anything, I won’t be far.”
“Thank you.” She could not stop herself from bowing her head and she hurried on past him. The Institute was not far. She would make it. The officer back there, not far from her, it made her feel safe and she walked. One more block, around this corner, and two more blocks after that. She was almost there. The little commercial district ended at a parking lot for the University and then she was on campus. The Institute just across the street. She crossed and walked towards The Ad. Private security patrolled the grounds, they were never far. Professionals to a man, they recognized her and let her pass without a word. She was back. Safe. But still heartbroken. At least she would make it to her room. Then she could cry in the shower and cry in bed and fall asleep. It was over with Becca, and she could do nothing more about it.
Follow The Long Winter into #92 On Again Off Again part two here.