The Long Winter #89
Art School Girl part three
Lin stood barely more than five-foot-three and carried barely more than 100 pounds on her slender frame. Under normal circumstances, carrying a (slightly) taller, (slightly) heavier, drunk human being from downtown, up a hill, through a neighborhood, and up a steep set of stairs would be beyond her physical capabilities. On this night, however, she had bottomless rage to fuel her. Del was selfish. Stupid! She really was worthless! After such a short romance it quickly (as in, over one night, just now!) became apparent that this relationship was a one-way thing. Lin stood over Del’s prone figure on the rug in front of her futon and glared at her. She wanted to kick her, now that she was down and blessedly off of Lin’s shoulders.
This is the second time, she shouted in her head. The second time I’ve had to carry her stupid, drunk ass up those steps! And where the hell was she all night? Not with me, that’s for damn sure.
Del laid there at Lin’s feet unmoved by the storm in Lin’s head. Lin growled at her and turned and left. Better to be out in the cold. Better to clear her head. It was too warm in that stuffy little apartment. Too confining to be stuck in there with Del in that state. And what had she been blabbing about? Tammy? The woman-who-wasn’t-a-woman? Tammy was harmless, a non-factor. And what wine? Lin had drunk plenty of wine with Del and had not seen her quite this way.
She knew she would have to talk to Tammy. Get that tall drink of water to leave Lin’s girlfriend alone. The artist hated the idea of sharing her, even if she was the cause of Lin’s aching shoulders and future back problems. The thought made the storm rage back up in Lin’s head and she was glad of allowing herself the pointless revenge of dumping that awful, drunken girl on the floor and leaving her to wake up alone.
This is the second time, you drunken buffoon. You idiotic lush. This is supposed to be my special night. You should have been with me, enjoying my moments of glory. Instead, you’ve ruined it.
And just where had Del disappeared to that night? They walked in together. The auburn haired girl was right there, right behind her when she gave Lewis a firm pat on his beefy shoulder. And that had been the last of her. Lin looked all over for Del (when she was not schmoozing with her fellow artists and connoisseurs). The gallery was not so big as to provide so many hiding spots. She could only think that Del was purposely avoiding her. The idiot drunk must have been jealous. Yes. Jealous of Lin’s shining moment. Jealous of the prestige given to Lin by being accepted into the exhibition. Lin’s hands were fists and her teeth were grinding together as she descended the hill for downtown. Del had no right to act the way she acted. No right to storm out of there in the most embarrassing way possible. Lin fought the rage back from the forefront of her mind. She could return with some dignity. Earn a little of it back. Maybe it had not been as bad as she remembered it being. Maybe no one had even noticed.
Why was she talking about Tammy?
Lin ran into Tammy several times over the two nights. She had rejected Tammy’s playful advances earlier that night with stinging, sarcastic, rebukes met with laughter and that had been the end of it. She recalled hearing about how Shawn did not like Tammy. Something about her being a “pretender.” The thought brought a smile to Lin’s face. Of course Shawn would have some very few things in common with the fascists at the Institute, transphobia being one of them. Still, such was due to her pull in the community that Tammy was banned from Shawn’s house and their semi-weekly gatherings.
That damned TERF…
Tammy flirted with everyone at the exhibition, from what Lin could see. She was friendly with the art students, and with Jenn the gallery owner. And of course with Bill and Nancy the organizers of the collective nearer the University. She was a mover and shaker in town, someone who used her connections to rocket herself up to local stardom. Lin figured there was nowhere Tammy could not go. Nowhere but Shawn’s house. And apparently anywhere with Del.
And Del’s a TERF, too.
She worked her shoulders in circles as she walked back through downtown. It was another rage-inducing thought, to be stuck with someone so closed-minded as Del (or Shawn). Someone who could not find it within themselves to accept other people as they were. What if Lin woke up one day finally knowing she was not a female? She knew she trended towards androgyny herself (rather like Shawn, bringing a wry smile to her face) and had talked about it at length with Andi back home. Andi who understood her. Andi who had not left her—
Andi wasn’t all bad for me, was she?
Perhaps not. Lin felt thoughtful when she stepped back into the gallery. She and Andi had experienced so many firsts together. First love. First kiss. First drive. First dance. First—
No. I won’t think about that now. Too many other things on my mind. Focus first on the exhibition. Then tomorrow worry about the Del situation…
She hated that her relationship had suddenly become a “situation.” But she shook it off, water off a duck’s back and all that, and put a smile on her face when Jenn was the first to greet her.
“Oh, there you are Lin. I heard you had left…” Jenn was an older woman, thin with her white-gray hair in a braid and a flowing patchwork dress made at home specifically for the exhibition. She had a kindly smile on her face for the young artist, and beckoned her to return to the festivities.
“I had to help a friend get home.”
“A friend, yes indeed. And your friend, did you help her home okay?”
“Yes. She’s fine. Just has to sleep it off, I guess.”
“Well, I’m sorry for her.”
“Don’t be, she’s the one with no self-control.”
Jenn laughed but Lin felt vile again, hating her idiot girlfriend lying idiotically on her rug, hating how the words hung in her mind, at odds with the love she felt for the idiot. She rejoined the swirl of the exhibition, stopping to compliment her compeers, and receive compliments, sometimes in return, sometimes in isolation. Tammy was nowhere, vanished into the same thin air, perhaps to join Del? She jammed the thought aside, she had the rest of the exhibition to focus on, after all. Just a couple of short hours left to go.
It passed in a blur. She would look back on the night and not truly remember much about it other than Del and the evil way she had ruined it. That drunk, stupid, worthless sow…
***
Lin parked Del’s car in its spot behind her building and went back up to her room. Every step of the way her heart beat faster and faster. She had left the girl alone in her room for hours and hours, enjoying the waning hours of the exhibition before hopping in the old SUV and returning it. And Del was up there. Waiting for her. Lin could not apologize. But perhaps she would not need to. Something was wrong with Del. What if something was really wrong with the girl? And Lin had left here there to go back to a stupid, pointless party.
She was nearly running, taking the steps two at a time and she burst through Del’s door to find the girl right where she was: a heap of human female drooling onto her rug. And had she wet her pants?
She hasn’t even moved—
Lin knelt down beside her. Del’s breathing was shallow and labored. Her face was pale. Well, paler than usual.
“Del, wake up.”
Lin touched her face, pushed her hair aside, Del did not stir. And how hot her cheek was!
“Del, come on. Let’s get you to the bathroom…”
Nothing. No change in her breathing. Her face so pale. She was sweating. Lin’s hands shook as she retrieved her phone.
“Come on, Del. Wake up. Wake up!”
She shook Del’s shoulders but nothing happened. The girl did not even moan or protest. She just laid there. It was not mere drunkenness. Lin looked down at her phone.
If I call an ambulance, they’ll ask questions. Embarrassing questions…
She opened her contacts and sought out one in particular. It rang and rang—
“Lin. This is an unexpected surprise.”
“Shawn, hi. Listen. I think Delaney took some drugs.”
“She’s not a user.”
“What? How do you know—you know what? Never mind. I think she’s in trouble.”
“What are you calling me for? Call 911.”
“I can’t, I—you really think I should?”
The line went dead. A moment later Shawn rang through as a video call. She appeared as she always did: perfectly mussed hair, immaculate clothing, piercing blue eyes.
“Show me.”
Lin nodded and flipped the phone around. Del lay there in the same lump, taking the same short breaths.
“Call 911. Are you at her place?”
Lin nodded.
“Okay. I’ll be there in a minute.”
“Okay.”
The phone went dead and she stared at it in dread. She was shaking and the numbers were hard to locate with her fingers. Successful on her second attempt she held the phone to her ear and requested an ambulance.
“What drugs did she take?” the operator asked.
“I don’t know.”
“Where was she when she took them?”
“We were at the gallery, but… but now we’re at her apartment.”
“I’m going to ask you for her pulse, listen to my instructions…”
Lin did as she was told and soon Shawn was in the room, kneeling next to her, her warm hands reassuring on Lin’s shoulders. Shawn helped straighten Del out on the floor and soon the paramedics were there, loading her onto a stretcher and carting her away.
“You with the addict there?” a police officer asked from the doorway. Behind him several bleary-eyed tenants peeked out at the commotion.
“She’s not—“ Lin’s voice failed and she had to clear her throat before she could continue. “She’s not an addict. I don’t know where she got drugs, what they could have been, or anything.”
“Well, let me get your name and number, we might have questions later…”
Lin glanced at Shawn. Shawn nodded at her. Then everyone was gone and she and Shawn were locking up Del’s apartment and walking away.
“They’re going to call her parents,” Shawn said. “She out with them?”
“So far as I know.”
“Was this a suicide thing?”
“No.”
But Lin could not meet Shawn’s eyes. She could still hear Delaney’s voice echoing through her head.
I’m worthless. I’m worthless…
“Did you two use together?”
Lin glared at Shawn.
“I don’t judge.”
“No. Never. Just wine or beer.”
“And bad movies and children’s video games.”
Lin glared at her again.
“Those will rot your brains as bad as some drugs.”
“Fuck you, Shawn.”
“Could she have been drugged?”
Lin shook her head. Who in their right mind would drug Del at the exhibition? But of course, it was inconceivable that Del would overdose on something by herself.
“Who did she talk to? Did she mention anyone in particular?”
“You’ll love this: She was mumbling something about Tammy—“
“Date rape drug. Your girl’s lucky she got away.”
“What? Come on—“
“Tom Williams drugged and raped two girls in the dorms two years ago. Because of his so-called victim status he accused them of transphobia and they were never able to connect him to the drugs.”
“So that’s why you hate her so much?”
“Him, Lin. Him. He’s a menace to our community. He makes nice to all the people he meets in the other communities, calls himself a lesbian, oh look at how cute and cuddly and quirky he is, but he’s still slinging a penis around. I get that there are legitimate people out there with legitimate, oh, I’ll be kind and say “issues” regarding this condition. But not him. Not Tom. He’s a criminal predator even if I can’t prove it and I hope to whatever holy spirit you believe in that he’ll forget about his failed attempt at raping your girlfriend and move on. Because if he hasn’t he’s going to find her and try again, he’ll try until she’s crying in a bathtub with her own blood swirling down the drain.”
They had stopped and Lin was staring at her with her mouth hanging open.
“What?”
“Just… I don’t know. I was so mad at Del. Then I felt guilty. Now I’m… I don’t know. Maybe I’m scared a little, too.”
“You’re not his type. I wouldn’t worry if I was you.”
“You don’t get it,” Lin said with a sigh. “She was babbling part of the way home, talking about… well, some stupid stuff I won’t tell you, but also about Tammy, and her—uh, his not being a woman.”
“She was right on that count.”
“It probably was her. I should have watched her better. I should have watched her more. Now she’s in trouble—“
“Don’t do that to yourself. If it was Tom, and I’m betting it was and I’m also betting he has all kinds of plausible deniability and we’ll never prove it, he noticed her a while ago and he’s been stalking her.”
Lin nodded and they resumed their walk.
“Don’t let it get to you. Just be there for her when she gets out of the hospital, probably before lunch tomorrow, and be aware of your surroundings. I’m glad you called me. I’m available at all times for you. For any of us. Always remember that.”
“Thank you, Shawn.”
“You’re welcome. I'm always here for you. For you and any of my girls, even the ones at the Institute. That's why, next week, I’m putting together something new, something more fun that will help you forget all this morbid shit…”
Follow The Long Winter into #90 Art School Girl part four here.